Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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