4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
