The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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