my phone needs a breathalizer
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
