I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
