Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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