got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
