you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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