I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
