hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
