You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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