I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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