i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
farters have to be the big spoon...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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