i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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