Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
