You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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