I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
