i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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