Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
