I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
