I hate your face
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i think i have herpe
just one?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
