I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
