I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
