the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
