You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
