Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
