I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
