dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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