We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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