You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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