You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
