I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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