I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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