There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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