Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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