My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
