u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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