she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Randomize
