HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
