giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
