I cannot find my penis.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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