Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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