Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
