vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
