: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
