five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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