You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
