Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
