I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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