During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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