mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
