My Higher Power is John Stamos
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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