no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
