2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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