So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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