Just fell off a train. Bad.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop coming to work sober
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Randomize