I am spending my child support on dildos
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
