3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
