i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
