im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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