didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
