3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
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mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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