Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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