Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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