I bet he comes in French.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
