Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
