I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
