He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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