I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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