So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
