You really coming over, don't trick.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
